optimism

Just like going home...

...or so I was told. When the idea of playing a few songs for the students at my old school was presented to me, I have to admit that I was slightly resistant. 

Campbell Hall will always hold a special place in my heart. It was at that school that I discovered my love of Music and performing. I performed in front of a live audience for the first time when I was 14 and it was on that campus. But like many of us, high school holds some not so sweet memories. As a teen I was constantly picked on and bullied. It probably would come as no surprise to anyone reading this that I was once picked on because I wore a Gibson guitars jacket regularly my sophomore year. (You can't make this up.)

As the students filed into the gym I felt a bit of the nerves creep up. These kids only had vague ideas of who I was and who we as a band were and what we did. But I decided to do what we do best: dive in head first and give them the best of us. The response was thunderous! I could not have fathomed the reaction. I am truly humbled to have been given the reaction we got. I am thankful for the opportunity to show them what we do. And I am excited to go onwards and upwards!

- Sean

Lost

Have you ever felt completely lost? Or have you felt like you've lost everything and don't know where or how to start again

Last month I lost my dad. My dad whose love and kindness was so much a part of his character that you could feel it from thousands of miles away. My dad who 3 years after having a stroke, still would try his hardest to give you advice that was well thought out. My dad who would always sing and write songs and inspired in me the desire to do the same. That's the dad I lost. 

Being flooded out of my house on Halloween and still not being able to go home as of yet, has made me feel like I lost my home as well. Add that to some of the opportunities that seemed so sure and last minute they were lost with losing a member of the band and there you have it.... I feel lost. 

No one likes to feel lost. Period. Sure in retrospect someone might say that they were glad they were lost at a point in their life, but they never realize that until they find themselves again. Maybe that's why those lyrics have been able to stand the test of time, "I once was lost, but now am found." Because nothing feels better than to feel like you have a place. 

Even though I feel lost, the Cockeyed Optimist within refuses to give up hope. It doesn't make sense to be optimistic right now, but I figure I don't have much else to lose and that is surprisingly comforting. I will not give up faith. I will be found again. 

-Cynda

Tears #1

This month, I've cried a lot. Doors that have been open have slammed shut in my face. Relationships that I used to be so sure of have left me feeling empty inside. I look around and wonder why is it Christmastime because it doesn't feel like that to me. 

During this time I've had to learn how to adapt to the circumstances around me and be okay in them. There were two days this month in which I cried so much that I didn't want to eat or see any one. I got to that point where I actually cried so much that I feel asleep. But when I woke up the next day, even though no circumstances had changed overnight, somehow I felt better. It didn't make sense why I should feel better, but I did. 

That's exactly what being a Cockeyed Optimist is all about. Even when nothing makes sense, somehow you know that everything will be fine. So in this season of perpetual hope, I can pick myself up off the literal and figurative floor, wipe my eyes and blow my nose, stand up and take a step forward. 

-Cynda